Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
