there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
