My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
