We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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