Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
