so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
