So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
