I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
