So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We don't watch enough power rangers
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
