I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
