I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
