Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
