Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
