My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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