we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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