I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
