when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
