My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
and she was petting her beer can
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
