I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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