Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
