god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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