Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
