whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sorry about my life...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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