If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Houston, we have a blender
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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