she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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