He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
