pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
