Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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