I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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