She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
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