just tell him i said nine months
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
