Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
