The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
