You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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