i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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