Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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