If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
