Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
