You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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