So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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