My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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