I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
