My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
