dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
