I wish i was in the wii world.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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