And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
