This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
