Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
