im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
