How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
