Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Found the puke drawer
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
